god how i lose my wits

2003-06-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

anyway, mr J cut his hair and he looks all the more cuter sia
sigh. worked from 12-11 yesterday
craziness
and tmr 1-11. cuz tmr got some function or somewhat
and we are going to change our uniform!
so many things happened but i am so dead beat
supposed to be at wala wala now but as u can very well tell i am not
haha
i am so weird

2003-06-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

and no she didnt get in
and clo, its priya

2003-06-04T09:52:00.000-07:00

i am damn fucking pissed
the stupid pubs com went to call my junior up
and she got the impression that she got into law
and its like because of that she turned down a certain university's place for economics which she was planning to accept
cuz the screwed up education system of my beloved country is that the students have to confirm their placin in this independent university BEFORE the govt universities acceptance letters are posted
and have to pay 300 bucks non refundable deposit
and i gave the fucking pubs com her number becuase the sch suddenly sees it a problem to give us the freshies' no to inform them abt orientation
and its going to be ALL MY FUCKIN FAULT if she doesnt get into law and doesnt have a place in the independent university EITHER

2003-05-31T10:35:00.000-07:00

morning! its JUNE! wahseh
Like AHEM my bdae is coming.. hee *batters eyelids*

went out with rid and eunice today and surprise surprise.. they were like 50mins late. i could have slept more! GROWLS
there's sth up with me and dhoby ghaut la. everytime someone meets me there, they will be at least 1/2 hr late lo! nothing to say liao

and work was SIAO today! was supposed to be on shift from 6-10pm but ended up doing 530 to 1115. haha.. well, i was the host, so i guess that attracted the unusual crowd.. babe magnet la wat can i say lol

eh i was not too bad la! hee.. there was this nice uncle who chatted with me for a while and he said i next month sure increase pay! WAH i was soooo happy can hahhahaa
but really, it was like up till 11pm there was still a full house both indoors and outdoors
basically i was starting to sound like a tape recorder:
"hi! good evening! table for??
oh would u mind if i try and get u a seat outside? cuz inside is really full and you might have to wait some time..
oh i am sorry, but i cant promise u how long it would take cuz i have no idea when the customers will leave
oh i prefer inside is it? too hot? too smoky? not good for the kids? alright no problem pls hang on for a moment while i check for u?
harlo would u like to have a look at the menu first?
hi! we have a table for u already (i cant say 'liao') but we are clearing it at the moment, please do wait a while more? thanks!
and blah blah blah

5hrs straight

hee..my colleagues also work until wanna die liao.. they were like, can u please tell them everything is sold out?
lol

okiez time for:
MR J Escapades:

he said BYE

end of escapades

oh well, considering i barely stepped a foot in not too bad la hee
but as usual, though we both supposed to end at 10, i always get off later! boohoo

in any case, he went upstairs for god-knows-why reasons

but found out that he smokes, (as all the senior crew there) so sad rite! gone liao
never see him smoke la but the rest say one
and supposedly he has 2 private diplomas already
but learning to drive now i think
grin
crushes makes u think stupidly

ahhh welllll he works like 930 to 830pm almost everyday for the past week. damn freak la..

grin
ok no more gushin
alrightie thats all for today la..
byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2003-05-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

YO!
wah damn shiok today.. went out! my rare non-work and non-other-activities day hee

but oh well, before talking abt today, yesterday was qquite funny..
we had meeting with my manager la, at ard 4.. and it lasted till ard 545 can! and some of us start work at 6. so manager was like okok eat dinner at cartel for FREE. HEH

shiokest heh. i got carbonara. then the kitchen staff was very nice la, think they put extra stuff in our pasta, so ended up many things to eat.. summore they personally served us! haha that was damn funny
and mr J was in a very good mood i dunno why! haha but i was serving yesterday so went to kitchen quite a lot. hee
and they are so ba-gua! it was like this girl asked me what i was studying so i said law. then yesterday the whole kitchen machiam noe liao. haha
but then the part timers are damn ba gua as well
i went out with these 3 other girls from work today.. fun! we went to watch Finding Nemo.. damn nice and funny and touching show! sigh..wat can i say..
we wanted to catch Bruce Almighty but it was sold out lo
growls

in any case, we had a rather fun time gossiping and shopping.. our ages are in runnign order and surprise surprise, i am the oldest
haha

yepyep so after shopping with them i went to look for eunice who was with her arts club frenz
damn corny can they all.. they are so relac and fun to be with
crappy!

had so much fun.. we went to nydc or rather to Big O too.. and i was grumbling that i couldnt get work there (not that i am regretting now where i am working hahaa)

lunch was with my dearest pastor anne.. really missed her ever since she went off to study for one year.. boohoo..
but we had a good talk and lunch as well as pasta cafe! and then a trip to kino

wahhhhh so long never relax like that.. shld do it more often

anyway now that it is after 12, its VICTOR'S BIRTHDAY!!
yay! i was the first one to sms him to wish him ok
though he prolly wun get to see this but i still wanna sing him bdae song!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VICTORRRRRR
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU

they going to outback for dinner then catching a midnight show for BrucE! but i working la.. till 10.. hope they dun ask me to extend or else i will reach home at 3 again.
in anycase, i cant join them for dinner sobs

oh well... shall go do some crappy stuff...

2003-05-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
just got back my results eek.
i got exactly the same grades as last sem la so i cant say i have very extreme emotions but wished i did better though, esp for contract haha
hai. wat to do.. but i thank god! at least i din get a D
i guess i have come to a point where i just hope to do alright for academics and beginning to learn that there are more important things in life to be done
but now there is just this knotty feeling inside me that i hope i am not sliding down the scales of the whole batch
sometimes i think that maybe i am not good enough to be here but then i think also that god has a purpose for me here so here i am =)

today have some meeting for the trainee crew and the crew at 4pm. sure kena scolded from them one haha
but relations have improved at my work place! grin
got the shocks of my life as i learnt all their ages last nite.. mostly younger or same age as me can help

argh. shall go off line. byeee

2003-05-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

due to the overwhelming responses to the popular topic of crushes, i shall add one more in the edition of Losworld tonight.
welcome

anyway this guy is from work! hahahaa he helps out in the kitchen la
and damn cute with damn nice hair with a damn nice voice
hee
and taller than me!

but oh well. he just helps to brighten up my days when i work thats all. IF we happen to be on the same shift. gosh i hope no one from there ever reads this
in any case, i found out that he is 3 years older than me. heh
and for future references, we shall call him Mr J

sob he was suppposed to work till 10 today but somehow left at 8+.
gosh! i cant believe myself

at work today saw quite some pple i noe. ok la 2 i mean. and these are pple i noe rather well. one is like this childhood churchfren and the other was my SP in vjc. one year younger

okiez wat happened to me last week? well i went for VCF retreat at changi safra resort. DAMN NICE LA THE PLACE and not exactly expensive either.
and i learnt many many things, know many many pple better too. =)
generally, my situation with the pple i mentioned in the last entry is much better now. heh. having fun workin sometimes

but today quite drama la. cuz usually the plates are handled and washed by some indian workers.but today they like 'zhao fan' cuz apparently some other colleague of mine was rude to them. (which btw, i overheard her saying that the demands that they asking for increasing etc. sth regarding food or watever la
and one of them was like 'she was f***king rude to me! i fed up already!' (note: this was said over the counter when one tried to stop them from leaving and many customers heard sia but then it was like 10+. heng sunday nite so not that many ppple..)
well. havoc sia. like other pple have to go handle the plates etcetc

but what kinda struck me was that my manager was like asking what the name of the guy who said the above things is.
and then i was thinking that it s quite sad rite.. they are there day and nite doing stuff etc and yet pple dun even noe who is who
oh well.
okok sian liao
tokkin to keith now
he is leaving on wed to europe! for one month! eek

ok bye.

2003-05-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

HARLOW! YO
today is keng haw's birthday and yesterdae was winston's birthday and the day before was aina and jasmine's bdae. hee ok here's to my dearest JT partner

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KENG HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEE
anyway i am heading off to vcf sub com retreat today till thurs. so everyone dun miss me too much (tho i am supposed to leave in an hr's time and i barely started packing)
so weird its like i realise i am not all that extroverted a person. or maybe it is normal.. u see, like at my workplace and in vcf, all the pple like know each other for a long time and are rather good frens liao. and i realised that i find it hard to talk to them.. its like it takes me quite some time to open up
perhaps i dunno what to say and i would rather i know them one to one first. heh
maybe thats how some pple feel when they join MY grp yah

so i did closing for the first time last nite..keng haw and co came to celebrate his birthday and they left me a piece of cake but i couldnt eat it though i was sooooo hungry ha
and also saw teng who went to watch RELOADED without me! bah
but oh well, got to talk to some of the staff so not too bad la

and dawn has happily left for AMERICA
so happening and lucky sia

and law bash.. uhmm.. oh well i got high for the first time in my whole life and I. HATE. IT.
its like i could feel the self control losing. i mean, i noe whats happening, who i am talking to what i am saying and all but still its like watchign a third person. as if my mind was asleep somewhere behind

and i saw Him. =) not saying who. thought it was over liao but sigh. he look so darn cute. eunice was with me when i saw him (i was still sober then and so was he) and before i even say who he was she was like wah he's damn cute! never intro! haha
perhaps cuz he was wearing so nicely for the first time yah. i mean, i think he is ok. not say damn cute. but apparently, two of my 'older' (older as in i noe them longer not older as in age =p) frenz who saw him both commented saying he s very cute even before i said anyth
haiyah stupid crush

in any caseeeeee i still havent gotten enough sleep. time has been revolved ard work church work home work sleep haha then work oteam home church
yah u get the idea

ah shit! no time! i better go
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2003-05-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
wah seh just came back from my first day of work. damn tiring sia! haha. serving pple is not funny sia
but ok la, not too bad. except for the fact that i didnt have my dinner cuz it was too early and i stood and walked for like the full 5hrs. hahaa..
oh wellz, din noe anyone too, so i was like unusually quiet. but as usual, there was a hooha abt my name and how to pronounce it and whether there is any short form. and as usual i see pple thinking for a very long time before being able to call me. heh. and there was also the usual qtns of whether i swim or play sports and what i play etc
the pple there are quite fun la, i just need to noe them better
and then the big boss came today also and everyone machiam like waaaaaaaaaaa big boss. ahhaa i couldnt care less. he's only richer thats all. hee. treated him like everyone else lo then how
and the business at cartel is quite good can. it is at least half house full all the time and one of the girls was like saying that this was counted little pple..

so i am like sitting as much as possible to cure my poor legs

oh anyway, yesterday in church sth unpleasant happened. its like, my church parking space not very big la, so pple's cars are always blocking each other's and it gets inconvenient when time overlaps for the different services
so my aunt and uncle were in the car and wanted to leave but was blocked by this car. they got the driver who then pointed at my poor uncle and aunt in the car and shouted in chinese sth to the effect that they shld have left earlier and that it is so ma fan etcetc... wah seh, all of us there were stunned man. i mean, that was a very unpleasant and rude thing to say. plus the fact he was only in his late twenties or early thirties
and i was angry man. i mean, he might as well have said get out of church.. turned out he's new and apparently this was not the first time that he lost his temper

i guess, pple expectations of church pple are raised when they come to church. and perhaps, rightly so.. and when this kinda stuff happpened, it might stumble or weaken someone's faith isnt it?
but then again i was tryin to think of that man and put myself in his shoes..perhaps he really had to move his car a lot of times etcetc
but still, i guess the scale in me is still tilted towards the fact that that man need not have been so impolite
shrugz

2003-05-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

free enneagram test

2003-05-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

by night there comes a strange strange world
contained within a blanket of surreality
intruders veiled by the darkest light
cravers sought infinity

2003-05-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

haha kena scolded by flo to update. OKIE I WILL NOW
went sentosa yesterday! haha and now smarting a little. but for my face, i cant figure if it was due to the sun or the facial that i had today that makes it hurt sia
so anyway, we went there and had some pretty spastic games. we went onto this floating slides which had two other platforms beside it and started playing.
and i mean playing
liek pushing each other off the platforms and sabotaging etc. damn farnee
and we played gladiators in the water too. where pple sit on each others shoulders and we compete see which pair can push the other off. haha
i bet we all having some aches man

and yes i am going to work. waitressing! haha never done it in my whole life, think i will end up pouring soup all over the customers man

anyway there are pretty much i have to update all u who have to rely on this to catch up with me grinz

hrm. just became a vcf cgl which means caregroup leader la
=)
dunno le. have alot of apprehensions and fears. fear of not being good or spiritual enough. not strong enough, fear of not enough time. fear fear fear

but then its like i have been praying but i noe i have been runnign away from the answer too. btu then my current cgl called me to talk to me abt it and i suddenly felt an urge to say yes
cuz i know that this is what god wans and i shld stop runnin away from him.. and man i was so at peace and happy that nite
itsl ike the past month which i spent studying was the time that i relied on god most. not say cuz exams coming la, but more of, i felt this huge urge to pursue his word and his way. hee
and there are many many reasons now why my attitude towards the bible has changed or rather evolved so much over the past years.. it has somehow become more, much much more impt to me than i can imagine
and just hope that i can be a good example to the youths lo!
hahaa
its like never in my life have i felt his presence so much before. i am not kidding..this morning i had this very sharp pain that shot down my right thigh when i walked just a few steps...so i prayed and it disappeared after a few steps.. amazing huh? to me la that is! i mean, this kinda thing, its hard to understand unless u experience it urself
and i was out from mornin till nite today and the pain was gone after the prayer and never came back till now
small things, but i really appreciate them

ok as for other stuff, hai..ok la. things improved. for the first few days after exams i was stressed. siao rite. i wasnt even that stresssed for the exams. but due to various factors la and i think things are alright. and yes its god's answer to my prayers
hee sound pious today huh
but life preettttyyy boring la

but gotta share one thing la..
few weeeks ago, my sunday sch tcher (yes i still attend SS, just started again this yr after stop going for a long tiem some more. but she is quite cool. SS had never been like that) asked what we want to talk abt during SS
but the first lesson, she wanted to discuss abt what being a christian means and asked us to go back and think abt it la
and i tried answering the qtn. looked thru the bible, read my highlighted bits, and i had so many answers.
the prob is which is the solid and short answer to what does being a christian means?

there are things like, must have faith, must spread the gospel, must pray, must let god take control etc etc
and to each, there are various passages to back them up. but again, what does it mean to be a christian?
haha..

we had a pretty simple activity. my tcher took out some big stones and a whole bag of sand
and one each stone were some some stuff that take a lot of priorities in our lives..things like schwork, eating dinner with family, going out movies with frenz etc
so she asked me (presumably cuz i am the ahem strongest there haha no guys la) to fit all stones into a sand bucket which is filled with the sand
and we all tried to do it together..but even if we could fit everything in, it was haphazard, there was a lot of pushing the stones ard to fit in etc etc and of cuz i dun think we manage to do it
so she whipped out another sandbucket and asked us to rearrange anything
so we took out the stones and placed them in the new bucket first..then the sand, then the rest of the stones etc and everything fitted nicely to the brim of the bucket
the lesson learnt is very simple. stones are the bigger things in our lives and the sand are the little things we do like eating drinking shitting and even breathing. whatever

having christ in your life is like being given a new bucket. you are given the chance to rearrange everyting but this time, everything falls into place because god takes the center of it all.. and that is the meanin of being a christian in short. to have him in our lives and to be the center of our lives. it is no longer a self'centered life but a god-centered one. he is like the pivotal point and i think right now, i am at the stage where i revert back to him to face everything, or at least i hope it is everyth..
and i am beginning to experience what it means by everything falling into place..
the reason why i was stressed was because i was relyin on myself and i worry. i worry abt my new job hours, the pay, the money i need to learn driving, the relationship i have with my mum.. i simply couldnt let go even thoug i prayed
so oone good morning i sat down and really handed it all to Him and after that i stopped stressing..even if i did, i just kept praying for me to be able to let go.. it was quite an experience u noe, to let go totally though there is much to worry abt
=)
been yakking for so long

but well, there are many things left to be done.. in yf, in vcf. everywhere..
hee

and oteam! ah! so many things to plan and i still have to work too
grin

ok please do leave some comments ya
so glad to hear from clo! hee
no worries dear, i miss ur craziness
and yes i do wan to change my blog but i really suck at this

2003-05-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

long time no see my loyal readers! haha
exams are like over already and i cant begin to describe how unjustified i feel and how sucky the papers are. and the worst is that i dun think i will take the sub papers cuz both are like not 100% cuz of assignments that we did. BAH so that means i have to live with these sucky grades
can SO predict them sia

eek cannot i very sian cannot type now
haha
byeeeeeeeee

2003-04-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

oliver was damn good. this is a perfect example of how the set, lights, sound all come together so well to support the act itself
true enough, the songs and plot was not fantastic but i would say that the theatrical experience as a whole was a feast for the hungry soul

the set was one of those that we used to study in tsd where it seems to reach so far into the back u wonder where the stage ends. the transitions were very smooth and the director diverted the attention of the audience very well

ok here are a few that made a lasting impression on me

the sides of the stage are covered with walls which are constantly there. in one scene, it is part of the city market and in the other it is part of the orphan warehouse

oh did i mention that a whole set appeared from the bottom of the stage as well as the top?
the bunks of the city thieves appeared from the floor of the stage while the present scene was elevated up to the top. entrance into the bunks is from the top
it was damn cool cuz they covered it with darkeness so all the audience saw was the elevation and ta-dah! there the whole new scene emerged. and when it disappeared, the audience was concentrating on a scene that was carried out on the platform quite apart from the main stage.
the set which came from the top was the house of oliver's grandad. whole new total change. symbolically, it means sth as well. bunks from the bottom and house from the top. shows the dichtomy between the rich and the poor, the sophiscated and the wretched

then they have this platform which could be lowered down from the top which acted as the top of the city wall as well as the london bridge.
they really really make full use of the stage and its facilities

lights were amazing!

firstly, they used the gauze. its this screen thingey which when u shine light at it, it comes up with different effects according to the different degree which u shine the light
at times, it can be totally black, or it can be opaque
they used that to open and end each act
the effect was such that it seems as if when the screen is lowered, we are in the real world, in the theatre. but when they bring it up, the audience is drawn into a whole new world of dance and music and song

well. there was this scene at the beginning where the lights were used to create a storm scene. i stared SOOOO hard at the stage to determine how they did it
the sides were obvious, but real as well. but the centre stage, it really looks like there is snow haha. cuz they shine the light as they let down dust so it looks like snow la

there was these scenes where they have to show oliver runnin.. so he ran on the spot (he must have trained damn hard cuz he looks like he is runnin on a track mill, only that the floor was not moving) and as he ran, they changed the set, moved the 'clouds' as if the surroundings are moving

breathtaking

the boys and kids were really fantastic. there was this young boy who could not have been younger than 5 and he was sooooooooo cute. eunice and frances could not stop whining over him haha
their voices were powerful too. all of them
and the songs at least has some tune. nice tunes contra to miss saigon where i thought sometimes they are tryin a bit too hard to squeeze wqords into tunes
just soo soo glad that i caught the show

well. so much more to say but i lazy liao
haha

2003-04-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

2003-04-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

hurts. it really hurts

2003-04-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

sisters can be so fucking irritating
they love to treat dogs like humans and humans like dogs

2003-04-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

oh! oliver tmr nite! HA

2003-04-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

yoyo
haha watched the the first two double bill of the trilogy last nite. it was good man. brought me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
it started off very light heartedly with a lot of humour. and ended off with a real test of the actors' skills.
and it got real emotional. not in the cheesy wayof cuz. at the end of it all u could hear many pple sniffing. and it got me wondering if it was due to the show or SARS. haha
and the set is quite cool. cimplistic but damn multi purposed. paiseh ah, i noe i dun sound like i did theatre before in the way i am describin. haha but lazy to think la

its like the stage has three mini blocks which are designed as blinds. so if u turn it one way or the other, u get a combination of different pics. depending on what is drawn on it la duh
the props are black boxes in various shapes. turn this way u get a table, turn the other, u get a shelf. and the next thing u noe, u gert church pews.

the first play as i said, started off lightheartedly. illustrated how a lesbian lawyer after a one month trip to japan with another brillant, tap-dancing, songs-blasting male lawyer
oh well, as it turns out, they fell in love, or fell in like for the les.
many good humoured jokes. wit and dry
but dawn and i were thinkin that the dialogue is afterall abit too clever.. good stuff but it wouldnt surprise any one that a lawyer wrote the play

well, the title Mergers and Accusations say it all. these two lawyers 'merge'd under the law to be husband and wife. husband quit high soaring career to look after the kid he sooo wanted all his life and the only reason why he wanted to get married in the first place
wife get the facade, the face of the marriage while she leads an alternative lifestyle in between after work hours and return home hours

such a marriage, didnt last of cuz.
and the first play ended when they split
one big chapter of their lives closed, in preparation for the next

the second play was heart wrenching
deaths, disease, truths, religion, hurt, anger, sacrifice all lump into one.
what struck me most was the conflict with God
can lesbians ever reconcile their alternative lives with God?
the lead was supposedly brought up in a christian family, scored the highest in bible quizzes, led the youths, conducted the choir. the high rising church leader of the future
but she succumbed to her desires and turned away from all
there was this line which her sister said (or rather screamed) to her. that she is using her gayness as a reason to turn away from the commitments and hard work of being a part of a family
my oh my
what a scene
the actors r damn good

can gays ever reconcile with God?
i dunno the answer to that
i dun think many pple do

2003-03-31T22:42:00.000-08:00

gosh losing my wits. is this all that there is?
[eek! i am getting those damn pop ups abt adult actions!!! yucks whats wrong with these pple]
as i was saying. is that all that there is in life. sickening
maybe i shld quit law sch and go pursue some things in life which i never thought are possible. the socially conditioned and shaped lives that we are all leading is crushing down on me and i dunno when will i crash.

it is hard to keep in mind why i am doing all these things in the first place. when there are sooooo many distractions and demands that i have to face
not making much sense am i?
maybe that is why flo says no one posts msgs. hahaha
saving grace is that i am watching plays. again! yay. haha
invitation to treat and oliver are the upcoming ones

2003-03-18T02:48:00.000-08:00

not feelin too good now yah.
sianz
anyway spent the whole day tryin to nerd in the lib. make a guess whether i succeeded haha
vic claire and i were tokkin abt closet muggers. so we concluded that since closet muggers are pple who mug but dun admit that they do, they are indeed liars. heh
so are pple who proclaims that they are muggers but actually are not.

and we also concluded that we are pseudo muggers cuz we TRY to mug but fail
haa
this is what u do when u r bored and u happen to be pple who are bored too
grin
k time to zoom off

2003-03-17T09:25:00.000-08:00

yoyoyo!
PHEW wat a great relief it is sia. handed up our LAST legal writing WRitten assignment for the term. left with moots and the 80% legal theory paper (EEK) and then exams! yucks

anyway quite relieved la. slacking now before biaing again. thats the problem with me i think, i can never be consistent
but who cares right
haha

growls
actually have some things to say but then i really dunno who in the world knows of this website. grin. not say that i have anything to hide

oh! lemme tell u an interesting fact.
today during crim tut (i am surprised i could actually learn sth outta it despite my lack of sleep) tutor was like tellin us how in singapore, albeit the fact that we have the usual right to remain silent when u are arrested for whatever reason, singapore differs from other jurisdiction in the sense that the very fact that u chose to remain silent can be a incriminating evidence against u
hrm. well u see, it kinds of lightens the prosectution's burden of proof. becuz the judge can draw an adverse inference from the silence. which in other words meant that if u remain silent, u have sth to hide
and in other states like US, etc, they cant do that. the prosecution has to find independent evidence agst u

oh well. just another interesting point of life

2003-03-12T01:38:00.000-08:00

hrm before i go, can u all please give some band name ideas?? throw them all out!
cuz or else we are going to be stuck with tthe name the Balcony Singers
hahaha

2003-03-12T01:35:00.000-08:00

oh yah! one thing that is brightenin up my life though is the fact that we are tryin to set up a girl band!
yay!!!!
and i am going to sing!!!!!
hee. well i cant play anythin so..
but it is like a life long dream to sing in a band! that is damn cool la!
haha
Karin is going to play the drums, dawn is playin either lead guitar, bass or rhythm, sharon and li-en might be in too..
think we still tryin to get someone but we want an all girl band! and it will be damn good if we are all christians!
heh k we gotta go for lesson
eek

2003-03-12T01:30:00.000-08:00

a vision without actions, thats daydreaming
actions without a vision, thats a nightmare

this was what the rev tried to transmit across to us on sunday and it stuck. try sayin that in chinese. its hilarious
anyway. time for a carthasis. that is what i view writing this and my journal as. a purge.
there has been a great deal going through my mind lately. like a film that would not stop runnin
and it is not very good becz both good and bad come. and sumtimes i feel like i am on a rollercoaster ride
many options of uni life lie before me. i seem to have many ways that i can choose as to how to live my next few years, and it is troubling because i dunno which to choose as of yet. why cant i do all? isnt that what i have been tryin to do for a long time? i dunnoo.. i think perhaps, it is time for me to focus.

admittedly, i am apprehensive actually, as to how to go on leadin my YF

its like not enough is being done

but i do have a vision
i want them to grow
to learn to praise and worship this Lord of ours
to rely and yearn to seek the Word of his
i wan a YF of pray and word
one that has solid cellgroups
solid progs
solid pple

was just thinkin abt this the other day, and it occurred to me that this is the thing in the whole of my life that i feel so strongly about. i want them to learn so so so much
i wan them to be able to experience the love that i got
the guidance i had
the wonderful relationship that i have with Him

there are so pple who came up to me and professed their admiration on how much the YF had grown over last year
one sister also told me that she admires me for the courage and initiative that i had to stand up and try and build this all over again

but is this really what i want?
maybe being the near- perfectionist that i am, this is not enough.
because it is precisely because i am with the youths so often, i can see the flaws, the lacking they have
and to put it dramatically, my heart hurts. it is to the point that i would get so frustrated with them and i have to constantly remind myself that they are still so young..

i think that the characteristics of the generation Y are so evident in them

2003-02-26T22:25:00.000-08:00

oh well, the other puppy didnt survive monday nite either

2003-02-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

today is the first time that i ever flown a kite!! like real high up in the sky lo! hhaahahaa. yay YAY i feel a sense of achievement, afterall, this is the second time that i went kite-flying can. went with my church frenz la. haha. almost never go but decided to anyway.

well, thats the happy thing. the sad thing is tht 2 of my 3 puppies that Ruby gave birth to two days ago died this morning too. SIGH damn sad la. they were all girls! cuz bernard and i went to the vet today with Ruby, the babies and Man (yes, that;s the name of a dog btw. he is damn cute! ruby's grandson to be accurate. heh. the thing is, thethree puppies are his aunties lo and he is already 6months old) then when we reached, the two bodies were stiff and almost cold liao. SIGH

so wasted rite.

urgh got me all sad now.

so, its been a long time eh.
oh my gosh, please please do not miss Chicago! it is like the best movie of the year so far. and i think it is really in some sensse much better than moulin rouge. the latter is more of a love story. this one is about life man. tho it is indeed a bit of a spoof of chicago. haha. but then, thats theatre for you

there are alot of good scenes lo. and i think the tsd students should go watch it and examine it. Karin and i were like it is impossible to digest it all in one sitting. many good theatrical tricks and skills involved and i think the actors were fabulous.

the puppets and the 6 women in the prison scenes were the best i think

sigh got Karin and i all sappy abt tsd again and we want to do sth! boohoo

heh next week is holiday for me. tho it also means we have to hand in our 30% criminal paper on the monday after it. sigh they are so sadistic can, just refused to let us rest. and we jsut got it like 2 days ago. i just read it and the names in it are horrendous...
Nama, Blushing Peach, Melting Ice Cream. LOL
i think it was inspired by Hero

2003-02-09T12:35:00.000-08:00

was just reading a blog of my fren. damn close. well, seriously i seldom read blogs. haha. cuz tho i have one, i feel that sometimes it is not very efficient or time-constructive to read others blogs (see what i mean by that i am going crazee? i cant seem to enjoy life anymore grin)

anywayz. felt quite affected la. cuz my fren facing some prob. so obviously i am feeling bad too. SIGH. the problem she faced, so so common in the world. (and it doesnt help that i am reading my material for Feminism for thurs class-participation lect!) haha.

oh talkin abt that, my whole class is like goin to wear pink and purple can. so extra and corny but we are goin ahead to do it anyway. HA. will be quite fun la since we all so onz. but we better get our stuff rite or it will be so lao kui. grin

hm. went to Lawrys for dinner today!!!! hee. my aunt kinda treated us all to dinner there as an annual bdae celebration. in line with the ren ri according to chinese custom i guess, but also to celebrate once and for all all of bdaes! 12 of us including my one month old nephew issac! he is soooooooooooooooo cute can. pity i cant seem to hold such tiny babies well. heh
anyway. the dinner started with warm bread and butter. or was it cream cheese? haha. it was damn nice la! and it was only bread lo. grin.

generally, all the steak is the same. only difference lies in the cut. the size that is.
so most of us had the lawrys cut. tho the two biggie guys (one of which is the baby's father. heh. both married la wad to do) had the Diamond sth sth cut. hjaha which is like twice the thickness of ours which weighs 575g. wah lau. half oa kg of beef can. hahahaa

so salad came first, then the steak. and i tell u, it is super duper good. very tender and cooked just nice! the overall presentation of the place is very grand and glam as well. high ceilings, long tables, high chairs, wine glasses, chandelier, glass windows that look out to orchard road, nice music. cool
and they cut the steak in front of u. heh.

then we had desserts. pengz. think we ate like all of their diff types can. the manager was like you all must really be dessert lovers. grin. oh well.guess we are. think we ate more dessert than beef! haha

good experience la. would encourage u all to go like once. more if u are richer. heh. cuz one set is ard 70bucks? thereabts. and we had 11 pple eating all.

oh and they gave a free gift somemore. nice lei. some carribeana watch cum compass and timer and alarm thingey.

ohweell. i am a happy girl in terms of taste. =D

this song keeps running thru my head once i read my fren;s blog:
'there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and it hurts when you noe its ur heart you cant trust
there;s a reason why pple wun say who they are
baby sometimes love just aint enough"

no idea worz. the tune nice all!

*sniff* nose block. boohoo.
played captain's ball again today, damn fun! grin. but alot of ball-bumping-on-cars-while-we-scream incidents and quite some bruises. haha. dunno why but like 2 pply stubbed their toes today and someone *ahem* got punched in the right eye by the ball. LOL no surprise that same person is the one who got a stubbed toe too. HAHA

ok back to feminist jurisprudence.
thank you very much

2003-02-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

urgh i have no idea why but i am in sucha foul mood. the moment i stepped home.
guess cuz there is so much things to do and i dunno where to start and dun have the time to even start tackling them. grrr
and i need sleeepppp

weekend after weekend i have no time! bah. no time to go out, feel guilty for sleeping and eating. boohoo.. wad a life
and nowadays i dun seeem to know what to write down here anymore. grin. the novelty is wearing out i guess

ahhh sorry la. for being the whining wuse that i am today

and sometimes i feel that too many pple know of this blog. darn. and there seems to be things that i cant say here
sux

2003-02-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

ok i tried. or rather huinan tried to place some comments box. lol. see how it goes and if it works!?!?

2003-02-06T23:52:00.000-08:00

boo!!!!! nan nan here!!! heheh..-bleah- hurnur..i love u los. heheeh ;p
-googaagoogaa- bwahahahahahah...

2003-02-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

harlow harLOW!!

HAPPIE CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!
yay!

finally this day came. been waiting for it for damn long cuz it is finally a break from all the work and datelines of january, which was FYI a very horrible way of starting off the yr.
but quite fun la, to visit frenz and relatives again.
today in the car i was thinking that it is quick amazing isnt it? that everyone will have this day in mind regardless of what happens, and dress up, shop. get ready just to meet other ple whom they prolly meet once a year. it is like a time to unify. grin.

it will be quite sad if one day all these stop and the meaning of chinese new year is gone.

which is prolly not in the far future i guess,
(ok stop blaming me for being the cynical-of-the-human-race person that i am)

SIGH so much work lei. and my FEB is already fully booked. so dead. got memorial to hand in and mooting to prepare for as well. not to mention the other tremendously horrendous work piling on.

bah

this is the kind of life that i am going to lead for the rest of my life can. not to mention that it will get worse. haha

for the next few days i have quite some activities too! but fun ones! just that i am starting to feel guilty whenever i dun study lei! freak. this has never happened to me b4 except b4 exams. wah kaw. wads happpenin? ;p
inevitable. sob. cruel soc.

but generally think life has been not that bad la. at least i have tried my best rite? RITE? rite.

shit la. new year, sure put on wt. =(

lets see. tmr have church then prolly go for lunch with church frenz.
then evening go my cousin's house.
then monday going my pastor and reverend;s house to bai nian. then maybe at nite go karin;s hse. tho i may not be able to make it.
and i am missing my council clique reunion AGAIN! they are soooooooooo going to kill me ok. and i havent seen benson for at least half a year. boohoo

i miss all of them

sigh nowadays i seem to keep reminising abt the times i had in vj council and tsd etctetc
and it is sooo scary that i am already in the 2nd sem of my yr 1
soon yr 2
wah.

scary sia.
20 this yr! urgh identity crisis man.
ahhaa
okok
shall crap other time.

oh yah.
FLO is back!!
HARLOW!!!

grin

2003-01-28T09:07:00.000-08:00

peaceful as the eye of tornado
away from the swirls
turmoils, rapids, roaring seas
how long will it be?

gentle as the breeze flowing
away from the world
flowers, sunsets, little leaves
how long will it be?

as the raindrops falling
as the skylight going
as the time goes passing
how long will it be?

missions, gifts, temporary
suffering, tyrancy, temporary
war, peace, love, hate
how long will it be?

2003-01-24T11:45:00.000-08:00

one of the songs council taught me

once upon a december

dancing bears
painted wings
things i almost remember
end of song
someone sings
once upon a december

someone holds me safe and warm
horses prance thru a silver storm
figures dancing gracefully
across my memories

far away
long ago
glowing dim as the amber
things my heart
used to know
once upon a december

someone holds me safe and warm
horses prance thru a silver storm
figures dancing gracefully
across my memories

far away
long ago
glowing dim as the amber
things my heart used to know
things that yearn to remember

end of song
someone sings

once upon a december

cheers to SDD 2000

2003-01-24T11:39:00.000-08:00

wow.
so long since i last entered an entry and so many things happened!
haha
well, car accident (no one is hurt thank god), law bash..

cool la things been quite fun. now the time to bia tho. next mon to hand in memo!
so dead man
and i am barely starting.. sigh no time no time!

was watching the council vcd just now (tho i suspect there is sth wrong with the vcd and the cd. sob)
and i really really miss the good ole days.
tsd, council, a52
those were one of the best days of my life man.

so many things happened. so many things sacrificed, so many frenships forged
vj changed me a lot. i learnt so many lessons of life there. and i am not really tokkin abt academic stuff.

looking back, there are so many things that i have done. its unbelievable that those two years flew by as such. it seems much much more than 2 yrs! :)

dunno wad to say. so many thoughts flying by my mind now and i cant seem to capture it down.

but life is merely a passing phrase aint it

the studio, council room..places which were oh so familiar. now, it seems as if we are the intruders when we go back and visit. strange isnt it?
much as i miss it, guess i wouldnt want to relive it all over again. they will always remain fond memories.

i hope

the things that pple do, the things that they learn, the things tat they go thru. all these harden us. it is almost impossible not to chage isnt it

the only way is to change for the best and not the worse

2003-01-17T22:49:00.000-08:00

okokOK
here's it..

the long awaited LAW BASH-TEMPT is here! haha
23rd jan centro 12 bucks with one free drink
dances, fashion show, law ball pagent nominees will be there parading too~
damn fun la what can i say?
(except that arts bash on the same day too. sigh)

yapyap so ANYONE interested please get back to me. Somehow

gogogo~ it will be good guaranteed.

well. i did my part here dawn
but serious
dun miss it

2003-01-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

one of my fav songs

ABOVE ALL
above all powers
above all kings
above all nature and all created things
above all wisdom and all the ways of man
you were here before the world began

above all kingdoms
above all thrones
above all wonders the world has ever known
above all wealth and treasures of the earth
there's no way to measure what you're worth

crucified, laid behind a stone
you lived to die
rejected and alone
like a rose
trampled on the ground
you took the fall
and thought of me
above all

2003-01-17T06:04:00.000-08:00

so many thoughts. just so many.
its a wonder how many different types of emotions a man can have at a same time isnt it?

once again, pissed with my mum. but thats not the pt la. sigh.
watched a bit of the lawyer show which singapore and hk combined to produce. good show to watch. quite interesting, just that i have no time to catch it everyday. but was watching it just now and the most absurd thing happened in court. the defence lawyer got hold of crucial and disgusting photos agst her client and she was not sure on what to do. to back out and drop the case? or to continue on and defend a famous man who she obviously know was guilty? answer seems obvious isnt it? if you know, then back off. but it is not so simple and all that perfect in the world i guess. no one would understand why she back off now so deep in trial. and she would seem like a loser to the rest of the world for she is so close to winning. her peers, seniors all advice her to go on. she thought she would. but the accused actually called her up to him b4 the last hearing and said sth disgusting abt how he would like to screw the victim again. pengz.
anyway, the story goes that she went on so convincingly abt her last statement as if she is going to wrap it all up and her client would be set free. but how wrong. the twist is that she turned agst her own client dramatically in court and produced the photos herself. commotion. even scolded the judge. ha. i wonder wad would happen if that happens here
but well, after watching that, it got to me. here is a lawyer believing in justice right from the start when she was a young girl who aspires to be a great lawyer. and she refused to let anything get in her way and belief that there must be justice done. if at all.

and it got me thinkin. lets leave morals aside. but as a christian, if i am to face the same situation as her in the future (heres assuming that i do become a lawyer :)) wad would i do? wad CAN i do? our job is to come up with the best possible attack or defence for our clients. but when we know that sth goes agst justice, agst morals, wad are we to do?

perhaps this is why many pple think that lawyers are liars, materialistic, cruel, cold. but no one has any idea of the dilemas that they face. my lawyer once told me that she refused to be involved in criminal law but become a litigator instead becuz she knows that after some time, her sense of justice would be diminished by a system that has to risk punishing the innocent than let the guilty go so as to protect the society. the qtn is again, wad can we do abt it?

only one thing comes to mind. WWJD?
go figure

anywayz, another topic. tokked to an old and damn good fren of mine today. shall not mention name here. haha. its been so long man. we tokked for damn long la! courtesy of starhub. haha. troubled by complicated human relations and complex human emotions that get inevitably outta control. even if we are aware of it and badly wants it to stop.
bah.
imperfect humans.

and then, another one of my fren one year younger than me. knew her since young from church and we are currently serving together. thing is, she says she is on a spiritual low. sigh. wad can i do?
only humans

2003-01-11T13:56:00.000-08:00

bleahz
got the template but know nuts abt wad to do with it.

2003-01-11T13:31:00.000-08:00

what is morality?
moral philosophy is supposed to provide us with some help in rationally organising our thinking abt moral probs. but, unless we know what a moral prob is, we shall not know when such philosophical theorizing is applicable.
in short: what is morality abt?

nopez, me not studying philosophy, me studying criminal law. hmz.
anyway, me visited the arcade since dunno when. went with a bunch of teens all younger than me. from church la where else rite? haha. we had a seminar on missions today. good one and i saw a damn cute american amidst the audience. (bah. thats NOT the point here)
anyway, i am really interested in missions, have i said that b4? just that i think my burden now lies with the youths. but hullo?!?! i am turning 20 this yr. haaha but i am det to make sth out of nth b4 i leave, think we are doing not too bad a job right now. tmr having campers' reunion. quite cool la everyone quite excited and almost all turning up. catering lunch and going to view video and photos. then after that captain;s ball!

but currently, i am really quite stressed. ok not that stressed, but worried?
so many datelines to meet this month. and i mean SO MANY. sch work, church, sports sec stuff, oteam stuff, thats why i am awake at this unruly hour tokkin to who else but my 'beloved' senior all the way in UK. haha
I HAVE NO TIME~

sob. and she just said that i have no talents, not chio, not smart, not rich. nothing but God.

well, wad can i say but that i am a simple, contented little girl? LOL
jokin la
tummy feels weird. cant shit. pardon my language.

oh but i am very happy today cuz i bought a BEEG BEEG hole puncher FINALLY. there is this cheem officially name for hole puncher. starts with a P. Profiliterator or some word like that la. never learnt or knew how to spell it

ahhh wad the shit am i entering into my blog man. hmph, even huinan got nice blogs. and i am stuck with one where i cant even change the font size.
bah
and very good for me, just went to ATTEMPT to change my blog skin but failed miserably
sigh
heck la
quality counts eh
hahhaaa
ok end of madness for me
go n study liao
all bout utilitarianism and retributivism
bah

2003-01-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

i hate being sick! urgh. now having this not-digesting feeling in my tummy which seems to block the whole passage! damn disgusting can. all due to the dear rosti that i had last night with my council frenz. Felicia is back from canada!!! YAY! was sooo happie to see her yesterdae. but sth damn embarrassing and troubling happened yesterday. as she was staying in hyatt hotel, we went to fetch her la, make her feel like queen ma. so after we went up to her room to look ard (according to Zhiqian, he REALLY misses the feeling of stepping into hotel rooms and exploring them. NS guys. haha) we decided to head towards marche where some others were waiting for us. and as we were walking out of the main entrance of the hotel and going down the steps, my legs suddenly went soft and i lost control of them and i fell. ended up kneeling can. what i dun understand is that usually when i am falling, i would have a basic resistance to prevent myself from falling further, but yesterday there wad none! i totally lost control and my mind went blank. i really pray it is becuz i am still sick and not becuz there is sth seriously wrong with me can. haiz. even now, still not feeling better. very scared i get some fatal sickness like leukemia or sth. oh dear..

but we had a great time yesterday relieving all the good old times! and chek brought the photos and raj brought the good old KS. nono..i am not abt to reveal to the whole world wad KS stands for. its just sth that pple can use to blackmail us if anyone outside council actually get hold of it. haha. well. can come ask me if you REALLY want to know. haha. so anyway, we had dinner at marche (the queue was damn bloody long!) to the extent they asked us to leave after we apparently finished eating becuz they need the place. so ended up drinking stuff at the bistro at borders. everywhere was packed man! quite happening on a sat nite la. and we took quite some photos. sigh. those were the days..

and today was quite happening. my camp com had a almost 5 hrs meeting! pengz. it was our camp evaluation mah. so we had some quite detailed evaluation to do to wrap up church camp 2002 and start off the camp com 2003. but i am sooo glad that we finally survived it man, and survived it well. and today all of us wore our camp tee shirts. haha. and next week we are going to have a campers' reunion where we will show the video and the photos with lunch etc. yay finally feeling excited and looking forward to going to church again. been a long time since i last felt that i think. but this yr promises to look good and hope it will. nah., i mean pray. haha

i was just thinking abt how my yr 2002 went and i realised that a lot of things happened. and i meant A LOT. it's like it seems as if i have lived 3 diff years in that one year la. oh well. i guess thats how we grow.

URGH sch tmr! shucks.

2003-01-03T01:21:00.000-08:00

oh sick. literally. i have never puked so much and horribly in my life!!! no idea wad happened really. urgh. luckily i went home and din go watch movie with karin and eunice. sigh but i am so glad that it is over la. i damn scared at any minute i will just run to the toilet bowl and puked again. anywayz, i think it seems a big deal to me cuz i am seldom sick, ao not very used to puking and fever and all these. so now, i am like on a diet can. porridge and porridge and zhou and zhou! grin. nvm can lose wt. ahaha
argh nothing much to update on.

2003-01-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

yay! i think it has been a rather good week for me since the camp. grin. and yesterday was soo fun! and exhausting as well. haha. went out with karin in the afternoon then went to one of my church mate's hse for dinner. he invited the youths aand some other closer pple. then afterthat we went to watch 2 weeks' notice at yishun 10 b4 heading off to my hse to torn. and we were like shaking hands in the middle of the movie cuz it was a midnite show! darn funny. being with them makes me feel younger in spirit, yet i still gotta constantly 'look' after them cuz after all i have to take responsibility if sth happens rite? grin.

we watched american pie 2 at my hse. and some of them are like only sec2 and sec3s la. ahaha but good fun la. they keep wanting to drink! someone bought vodka blue and it is indeed one of the nicest drinks la. well, midway our show, my sis and her bf came back and guess who was the drunk one. my sis la! puked summore. my mum was like "dunno how to drink then wan to learn how to drink!" kinda thing. haha but she was not awake when they came home so this was said this morning.

anywayz, they left after eating breakfast at the kopitiam below my hse, and then i had a mega a lar carte buffet lunch!! pengs. literally eat till wanna die. ahhaa jokin. but it is amazing the amt my family can eat ok. and we had two tables somemore now that my generation has expanded. out of the 5 cousins, i am the youngest, still schlin and still single and available. the only consolation is that the next one nearest to me in age is my sis who is like 5 yrs older. grin. and 2 of them are married and one just had a son! a xmas baby!!! isnt that exciting or wad. heh

oh well. getting crappy again. ok. shall end here la. shucks. hols ending

2002-12-30T07:17:00.000-08:00

YO!
me finally back from church camp!! 4 long long and exhaustive days at the campsite and i am damn drained la. and yesterday i really felt like i was walking back to civilisation when we left the campsite finally.
haha

but i think and hope the camp was good. the youths all said that they had a fun and enjoyable time and i can really see that we have all bonded well. like today, most of them turned up for sunday sch when it was at 9am and most of them had sooo little sleep during the camp! including 3 of the new and non christian frenz. grin. and then we went to eat and played pool and badminton at the environment building. great fun. but i am like the oldest amongst them la. only another guy was the same age. so i am actually very very very glad.

the camp was an extremely taxing spiritually, mentally and physically. i mean, it is so not easy handling 26 teenagers with 4 acs barker boys and a few other rowdy boys in their midst. but they brought joy too la. mainly becuz by the end of the camp, they have changed so much as compared to when they came on the 1st day. i scolded and raised my voice so many times during the camp cuz they were so irritating. haha. but only when i really could not take it la. for eg when they play cards everywhere they go.

oh wellz, boys will be boys. thankfully, they not angry or scared of me. rather, i kinda feel that now i am able to tok to them more and they often suan me as well. and i feel that they have treated me more like a fren now! good ya.. and even the most irritating of them all has become so much nicer and willing to volunteer his help.

reason why i am glad about this is that because i have made up my mind towards the end of this yr to become really true frenz with my church frenz instead of only being church mates with them. cuz i realised that often, we only tok on sundays when we see each other and i realised that i dun do that to frenz! and ironically, these ppple are the ones who are going to walk with me thru my life. so yah.

i can really feel god blessing this camp. how he touched every single one of us in the camp. everyone tried, and i think that is the most impt thing. and i could feel the prayers of everyone who was not there. for eg, we managed to carry out every single one of our programmes becuz it din rain! amazing ya? we have games every afternoon, so it was impt that it doesnt rain. on the 2nd day, the sky looked as is it was going to pour anytime. so i asked them all to pray for a minute. and guesss wad. yes it did rain, but it was light and without thunder adn lightning so we were able to continue playing. and it ended 15 mins later.
on the 3rd day. which was the most impt day, becuz we went to botanic gardens and had water bomb games, it didnt rain at all! YAY. and it was sunny summore.

and there are many many other things. i mean, not everything in the camp was happy ending. the second day was really bad for us. becuz some unhappy things happened and many pple were afected. and during the nightly camp com and grp leaders evaluation, we were all really down and worried. but i requested them to go and pray before they sleep and to maintain a positive outlook. and i shared with them what i feel abt good that happpened in the camp.

on the 1st night, one of my fren, he is 5 yrs older, who became a full time youth worker, he came and joined us for the evening. and at the end, he shared with me to constantly ebcourage the rest becuz it is sooo impt for us, as christians, to see the good that pple do. i mean, it is afterall, human nature to look at the faults and wrongs of others. but as christians, as campers, we have to be different.

ahhhhh so many things. but i am damn exhausted, i had less than 20 hrs sleep in 4 nites! need to catch it back!

all i can say is that god has given and taught me sooo much over the past few days and he has pulled me so much closer to him, my fellow workers and the youths. and all i can hope is that besides having fun, the youths have learnt alot of things too.
=)

and OH! had my confirmation on CHRISTMAS 2002!! i cant even begin to describe my joy la. hee
nite
truly concussed.

2002-12-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

gosh how can i forget! my dogs commited incest! INCEST! pengz. my bitch did it with her son, ok stop the yellin. imagine i witnessed it ok. and we cant do anyth! cuz unlike wad most pple think, the way dogs have intercourse is such that they will be facing in diff directions, with only that part attached, while doing so, they can even play with u, eat etc ok. its more of an act of transferring sperm. haha. and i read it somewhere, that when they are in such a position, they cannot be detached or the male dog's privy will be fractured.
so there. FYI.

2002-12-22T08:38:00.000-08:00

BURP
whoops. had a BEEG BEEG dinner.
turkey, roast ham, salmon, sphagetti, pineapple rice, pork rib, salad, log cake, jelly, dessert. drinks, wine, punch. etc etc etc etc
wallau.
and i got xmas present! piggy bedroom slippers with a longish pillow to match! damn cute! i requested for the former and got a set. YAY damn happie. i threw away my torn adn tattered garfield ones liek immediately. haha. as the saying goes, the old one dun go, the new one wun come. grin

hm. as i was saying. was quite bz this morning, runnign ard the whole time. had to lead YF and then worship in service. the latter quite stressful.
sigh how ah. i always feel like the youths are relyin too much on me to speak up. they are always so quiet and un-initiative! trying trying. its very tiring to try and prompt them all the time,. adn i dunno if i am being too forceful. but i am trying to be as patient as i can. afterall, we are all different!

and we had a rather interesting baptism class today, the last of them. was abt history of church, methodist, methodist in singapore and my church itself. damn cool. i feel enlightened tho i am ashamed to say that i shld have known all these sooner than now. but better late than never. and it also reminds me how much i lurve history.

i used to wonder why we were called the protestants. (besides the obvious from the name itself). sigh but i very tired to type all the info down tho i am very intersted in this topic. shall do that next time la. hahal. tokkint to my council frenz now. damn nice. i mean, so long never chat like that. miss them all

2002-12-22T02:07:00.000-08:00

hmm. busy day today. had so many things in church i am so stressed can! fwah, haha but then guess it went not too badly.
oh oh OH! got my results at last. not very good but then think i should be contented liao considering i was actually quite last min la.

we are having a family xmas party today and i am waiting for it to start. quite fun i think. its like a potluck and everyone has to bring a present. we drew lots last week to determine who we are supposed to buy the present for and we are allowed to contribute to the 'wish' list. my sis is the coordinator, so she will noe who buys for who and is in charge of telling everyone who the person they are buyin the present for what the latter one. grin. and ALL 6 dogs are here. yes yes onemore, my uncle's, who is Ruby's (my bitch) grandson. ahaha he is super cute!! and clever! he is like only a few months old and he knows how to shake hands. the rest take forever.

ok my mum asking me to go help with the food liao. grin. i better rem to wash my hands

2002-12-20T10:20:00.000-08:00

back back back and it is 0117 in the morning. had quite a good time at Blue Moo. did ALL the oreo shakes! haha. its true isnt it. that when one knows what is contained in a liquid, one wouldnt want to drink it. LOL. but it tastes good ok.
saw joel and jo dong and some other seniors. even met luke tang(cuz that is his church) , caleb, linda, cheryl and jacinda. quite cool. there were abt 4 accapella groups including budak pantai. but of cuz, being budak pantai and the most experienced, they are v v good.

oh well, blue moo is this christian cafe that is set up every friday nite at YMCA rooftop and on the 1st fri eveing of every month, BP will perform. and sometimes, other acapella grps will perform as well. there are soooo many pple who turned up can. but i rarely noe anyone there cuz afterall, it is not my church. pity that my church pulled out of the organising team.. nvm la..see next time when the foundation of the YF is stronger, can intro the youths into helping out at blue moo! right now i guess we have to conc and focus on building our YF up.

anyway as i was saying, we had a DRY run yesterday but ended waterbombing each other and aiming the waterhose everywhere. had waterbomb captain's ball too! haha. and of cuz i kena the most cuz i ran the games so not really wet but was in actual fact bombing them. so they chased me with this huge bucket of water. thanks yous sos muchs.

then went to sch to collect contract. ugh. i think it is sooo spastic that we have to travel all the way down to collect a small slip of paper with your grade written on it! waste of time lo. grrrrr and no i am not going to announce to the world at large wad my grade is. all i can say is i better work harder next sem. sob tmr is the big day can. get back torts and sls. chiam la. this time sure kena

i am truly getting excited abt the camp. oh! i wanted to type out wad delphine msged me early yesterday morning..here it goes, word for word: "hey i woke up feelin that God has a great harvest time for the youths next year. initial path they walkin will be tough but God will show in His time! continue trusting" you cant imagine wad a sweet nap i had after reading that. i cant rem if i wrote already but we had an 9 hr meeting day on monday. 10-1 was for the youth fellowship prog next yr and 245-7 was for the camp next week. long meetings which made me totally 'seh' but we enjoyed it and i think it was a day well spent. frankly, i think that we have quite a solid programs lined up for next yr. pray that it will work out. =) why not?

so you who are reading this is interested, come find me la,since i cant read your comments as i STILL do not have the comments link. sob

i had quite a horrible dream last nite. dreamt of diane, that i visited her at UQ. and sumhow, she was giving up her frenship with me over sth, cant rem wat. and i cried. and i really really felt the pain i felt in the dream. it was the pain that you get when you are truly hurt, that someone is giving up on you or your frenship with him or her. it was like a deep deep blow to the heart. i almost thought the dream was real. v v vivid. sigh. i woke up in a shock and half expected my eyes and face to be wet. horrible isnt it? i think it might be worse than a nightmare, a horrror dream, becuz the pain was soooo real i was sooo affected.. sigh nvm..

oh. OH> how can i forget. this girl fainted on the train behind me yesterday as i was going for tennis. i almost fainted along with her, i mean, i was backfacing her u see, so when she collapsed i was like HUH>??!>? and so HUH>?!!?! the rest of the train, ahha quite funny. some pple are rather helpful la. but there was this lady who went on and on and on and on and on abt girls who sun care abt their health, only their figure, thats why never eat and how useless it is to have a thin and skinny figure but unhealthy and how impt it is to have breakfast. i mean HULLO? give the poor girl some peace man she was already in pain!

uncle nanzhou sent me home just now and we had a rather interesting conversation re christianity vs other religions like catholics and muslims, the bible code etc. i think it is soooo amazing that there are sooo many diff interpretations of the bible the differences btn religions are cool. i think i might go read up on them some day, to understand the practices of other religions, the reasoning behind them and compare it wiht my own religion.

tokkin abt my own religion, it gets me on a high once again to think abt my confirmation! YAY

oh another update on my dogs: they are in HEAT. ahahhahaa... ruby and snowball are once again reproducing, but there is like internal strife as they are all males except ruby. so snowball and junior are like both interested. but then, my dogs are very zhuan yi. junior stands no chance sadly. and nike better not cuz he is the son! it will be incest ok. and toby..oh well.. we think...or rather i think he is gay. haha cuz he os uhmm,....castrated...so he has no balls (shucks...sorry but i really dunno how to paraphrase it!) and he keeps sniffin at snowball and nike! PENGZ. my sis calls him her little xiao tai jian. BWAHAHAAHAHA, i think it is super funny.

i am sorry if my blog looks boring. SIGH i dunno how to upload stuff! dun even noe if cna in the 1st place. forgive me i am a flop at this (and this alone!)

ok. my bed is callin for me. ha.

oh wait! one last piece of news, i might be getting a TV in my room! (tho that technically makes it a phone and a TV in every room in the flat except the kitchen, dun ask me why i dun even watch tv!)

haha
nitez

2002-12-20T02:18:00.000-08:00

help
wad a piggy day (yes save your comments please)
finally did up some church camp stuff that i have been procrastinating for a long time. but then i slept like sooooo many hrs today!

yesterdae was damn fun. we had a dry run of the games that we are going to play during the camp. ha. it turned out to be rather WET. irony.
we asked the camp grp leaders and asst. grp leasders to come as well so at least they know how to play and can help the station ics during the camp. and i was very glad by the response yesterday. early morn, delphine msged me and told me..
WHOOPS! paiseh gotta go sumwhere now! continue later!
ciaos

2002-12-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

thoughts. so many thoughts.

but had a great day today actually.

haha. well, went to play tennis, swim and bowled at my fren's country club then went to another fren's hse to play pool and table tennis. damn shiok man, tho i am a little sun burnt. and we ate at cartel like no body's business! and that was my only meal today loh. grin, had it at 330. then went church and sing sing sing.
sigh we are goign to perform in church on xmas eve cuz there is some potluck party going on and we cant escape can we.
and the worse thing is that we have to sing chinese songs too. haha that killed some of them.

hm a bit hungry now. Darn. nah..shall not eat just b4 i sleep. and tmr is going to church again! we are like going to have a dry run of our games (which is not exactly dry run cuz sum are wet games. hee) and going shopping for camp stuff after that! ahhhhhhhh i am suppsed to go collect contract result at the student counter tmr lo. sigh no time la.
well, you might think that i have a lot of church stuff going on (and indeed i do).. sooo many things and i dunno why but i seem to be in charge of all of them. my frenz wqere tellin me today that i looked taxed. but seriously, i think i am very willing to do all these stuff, as long as i see that the results show and that there are others who are working just as hard to. i mean, i think i am learning how to look at the small things that pple do so as to encourage and console myslef that all these effort are not for nothing. after all, they are not for nothing are they? i guess i am doing the work that i put off for two years. there are pple without whom, i will not b able to continue without being discouraged and angry with the world at large. hee.
like my pastor, she is simply amazing. she took care of all the minute details that we very often forget and never gave up hope on us. no matter wat, she persevered. and now she is leaving to go study at trinity college for one year and i am quite lost franky. haha cuz i have to rem all the teeny weeny details now. i mean, all these just go the show how pple are always forgetting or neglecting or simply not SEeing what others are doing, and only learn how to value them when they are going or gone. sad truth but it is a truth after alll.
and i have this church fren of mine and she is only liek 15 this yr, she has sucha strong faith in god. and instead of me being the leader and the older one who is suppsed to encourage her along this path, she is the one who is constantly emailing me and writing letters etc to me reminding me of God's word and promises. and she is a darn good secretary as well man i tell you.
you see, this is how i keep myself going a lot of times. when i am down, i keep thinking that there are so many pple who are worth being happy for. when i am discouraged, i keep thinking of the pple who have done it and then i tell myself that i can too. when i think i am alone, i remind myself that God is there for me. always.
i think that everyoone shld have a 'system' of their own where they in a way psycho themselves or push themselves to go on. mine come in the way mentioned above most of the times

ah. getting tired. will continue will my philosophy next time haha
nite

2002-12-15T07:09:00.000-08:00

nice day nice day
maybe its cuz i slept just now and now totally refreshed! haha tho i face a lot of work re church now..

had great fish head curry just now! but now my stomach not feeling so great la. but it was shiok man. think my aunt makes the best fish head curry EVER. yum

think part of the reason why i am feeling so happy now is because i am on the high that i am getting confirmed on xmas day!
firstly, confirmation is like baptism. just that because i had child baptism, confirmation is for pple who are 16 and above to reaffirm their faith. and i am having it with 3 of my childhood frenz! (our age is in consecutive no.. i am the oldest la...then 18, 17 and 16) so cool! and my fren getting baptised too. hee. YAY
secondly, i am getting confirmed on XMAS! my favourite day of the year. i simply lurve xmas and the whole season. the season and feeling of giving and receiving, of celebrating ang joy. so cool.
u noe they say getting baptised is a rebirth. so technically, my new bdae is 25th dec. haha. lurve it! i just cant help it! feeelin this light-headed feeling that i always get whenever i think of it. haha and some of my close frenz are comin to see. =)

hm. busy busy week ahead! sooo many pple to go out with, so many pple's bdaes, so many things to do. but i have to focus on my church camp and youth fellowship (YF) rite now i guess. we are having a youth gospel camp on 25th itself 5pm to 28th dec. (heh i machiam like promoting) anyone interested? i am heading it! so a bit stressed i guess. somemore i am the oldest there and it is soooo hard to try and relate to them when they are in one big bunch. it is still possible when its one to one..
oh the big attraction, it cost like 25bucks for us, but for frenz its 10. ha

hm came across this quite cool blog where this guy has this super mega much of links to his website and he has this whole collection of quotes where u can add to it. haaha and some are darn hilarious..

http://dan.hersam.com/mypages/blogs.html
have a look when you are free.
grin
ok need to go do things liao
cheerios

2002-12-13T19:33:00.000-08:00

gosh that is sth horrendously wrong with my blog
the date and time disappeared?
sigh heng i not in the IT line.. will end up screwing everything up
ahaha

2002-12-13T19:31:00.000-08:00

hullo hullo
urgh my last entry just got deleted and i have no idea why.
oh well, feeeling mucccccchh better now aftrer a nights sleep.
the wise quote of "sleep on it" works, but sadly under untilised

anywayz, had a good run this morning, wat a relief after such a long time. running and swimmin destress me. as usual i got awakened by my weird family early this morn again. you see, at 2am in the morning, no one is actually sound asleep. and by 8am, the whole world is awake. and i cant escape this chaotic buzzle anymore now that my sis is back. and she too wakes up early! grrr. no more the peace of silence behind my closed door and air con room (cuz sumone will sumhow switch the air con OFF and i will start to get extremely uncomfy under my quilt. bleahz)
perhaps she still hasnt adjusted to singapore's time zone yet.

she was like telling me after the 1st day she returns home, that she feels Different now that she is back.

you seee, aussies, and most westerners perhaps, are generally more friendly (and betterlooking too tho that is not the point here).
it is like if you smile at sumone in singapore, they will give you the whats-ur-prob-look (or in the case of my sis the guys will give the oh-hi-do-i-noe-u?-look)
locals in other countries tend to smile and suddenly tok abt the weather or the nice top you have on. but asians, at least, those that i observed overseas, are not able to respnd well to this sudden friendliness. so they end up stuttering sth abt "i bought it in the store in singapore" and thinks "..uh u noe where is that?" ir give a hesitant cheesy smile and look away.

gosh no wonder they think we cant speak english

wads more, dun you feel that there seems to be a perpetual fashion (if any) competition btn the guys and gers in the teeny weeny arrogant singapore? ever got the feeling or is guilty of staring at someone from head to toe.. from the weird no of hairpins to the funky spiky blood red toenails? all these are so darn hilarious whrn u examine the issue closely.

i was sitting in the mrt yesterday and there was this woman sitting next to me reading streats, and this article caught my eye "women in singapore want smaller breasts and trimmer waists" Interesting. apparently there was a survey on 1700 singaporean women and this was the conclusion. i could have read more had the woman not shifted and gave me the hey-sorry-this-is-my-paper shiFt Away from me. no i am not being sensitive, seriously.
nono, please dun think tht i am an angsty individual who lurves the whole world except my own home town. thats not true. just tt i feel that as i grow older, i begin to see adn observe more abt humans. in general.

oh updates abt doggies, i have 5 now!
3 malteses (no NOT the chocs. they are a family):
ruby the mum
snowball the dad
nike the son

1 bishon and west highland terrier cross: junior
he is the fav of some of my frenz cuz they think he is very senior (yes they think it is VERY funny) as he is the oldest adn the least aggressive. not say any of them are. he is just well tamed and well spanked by his previous owner. haha..

1 long-haired chihuahua and maltese cross: toby
the only non-white and most exx of our dogs. sat on a $800 plane tix from australia. grin very cute tho. tho he put on like half of his size since the last time i saw him in jan,.
will try and figure how to post pics and show u my dogs! and frenz! same la. hahaha
ok got stuff to do

till the next time

2002-12-13T08:50:00.000-08:00

god how i lose my wits. never seem more apt. super bad mood. or rather. ultimate sianz mode. i dunno. frenz like karin eunice and marcus tryin to get me to say it out but i just cant. urgh. maybe i can type and it will let off some steam. but i guess some of you may not even understand even if i write so..
just frustrated with pple in general. not pple specifically but perhaps the human nature. sometimes i am so disappointed and exhausted to be the one who has to keep initiating and doing things. and i really wish i can be at the seaside now so i can scream at the top of my lungs. that has always been one of the best ways to let me get rid of this bad mood. last time convenient ma. east coast just next door. but it is not so easy asnymore.
i feel so far from God. i dunno. sometimes i feel that we are doin so many things, but who is it for? among our bz lives, sumtimes we all forget what is the most impt to us.
i think ultimately, i am disappointed with myself too. i have this great burden on me to serve in the youth ministry, and i have tried v hard for the past few months or year. but still there are times when i feel that i am not competent enough, not leading the YF as well as i shld be. and as i was tokkin to my pastor, it dawned on me that the reason why i am feelin this is perhaps many times i feel judged by pple ard me, on my ability to lead this YF. i am very aware that tho i do like to think that i am a leader, i am not one to be overall in charge, to plan neatly and early. i dunno how to say it. and i feel this sense of remorse now because i think i have lost sight of what is the most impt. i am doing the work for god and not for man, not for myself.
i am sick and tired of pple who claim they would help but only if i am able to tell them exactly what to do and how to help. doesnt thtat defeat the whole purpose of helpin? sorry if i sound harsh or unreasonable. but i come across too many this kinda pple to defend their stand. (plus in anger mode now) i am sick of the so called politics that rule the world. cant world be at peace? (ok i know the answer is no..just asking. ha) can pple be more simple and not so spoilt?
there it goes. now some of u might understand a teeny weeny bit on why i lurve going to australia. becuz twice in my life it has offered me an escape when i felt like i can take the nonsense and imperfectness of man and the conflicts within them anymore. of cuz i am aware i cant do that all the time. but just glad that i am able to these past yr.
sorry if none of you could understand this. ignore it then. wish i could hear your comments but then me being the bluh head at IT, still cant figure how to install the link. or maybe i am not trying.

2002-11-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!* trespasser alert. bwarhahaha. just flo here, leaving my mark.cant resist. haha. *flo waves to all the tsd kiddos* miss u guys. n would like to keep in touch with u all. *hugs*. enjoy your holidays while im still slogging over my essays. *mutter*

2002-11-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

hullo HULLO!
YAY my dear senior far far far away in UK is helping me to create the link for u all to add ur comments~ GRIN. oh well. so cool now i can just fly off and visit it later! haha i am sucha flop at all these. thanks FLO.
i am flying today! i am flying today! wah. cant wait. but now like 2 pm and it is another 6 hrs to my flight la. ladidum. nvm i shall do sth constructive like plan where to go etc. yesyes. the day b4 my trip and we have no idea where to go! hahaa
okiez. juz an update me going to australia down under~ sydney 1st for 5 days then off we go to brisbane to my sista! she will be comin back fro good with us tho. and with her dog. that makes it 5
the good thing: her bf is going and he studied there so he knows where to go~ we will be going byron bay, sunshine coast, gold coast (shucks i almost typed EAST COAST. pengz. miss vjc too much liao)
BYRON BAY ROCKS! serious. coolest seaside village i have ever been to. tho i stayed there for like 2-3 hrsonly the last time i went~. but its damn cool. i met my cutest guy alive there last yr. haa he looked like he walked straight outta hugo boss ad

okiez bad thing:i am going sydney with my mum, uncle and auntie. BWAHAHAA. that is like an old felllowship gathering sia. but nvm think it will be just as fun only that it will be much MUCH slower. eh to those of u who have no idea, my uncle and auntie like 60+ heh

okok to all my frenz... dun miss me too much ya? i know u all wun be able to have as much fun when i am not in singapore but try ur best ok?
heh
sob. i wanna go tanning and volleyballin in sentosa too.
and xm..quit worrying over wad to wear for phototaking after o team meeting tmr! hahaha.
claire and alecia and sue anne: go for ur driving lessons! (tho i wun complain if u all wait for me. but claire will positively die)
dawn: awwwww good luck for marketing manz.
FROG and PIG (yes yes its karin and eunice you two respectively):
have fun.=( miss ya two loads. esp eunice! see you so rarely.
huinan!!! heh u and ur new blog too! i will add ur link to mine soon. SOON.

wah i machiam like going for damn long but just some last words ma.
BURP
whoops.
anywayz, terrorist attacks in aust. =( pray pray..
hahhaa

okok take care and till the time i come back!
cheers

2002-11-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

this is the first day
YaY
good. now u all can read about me and my australia experience for the next two weeks, if i ever got down to typing it down haha
have fun and enjoy
btw i havent got to figuring out wat to do with the time zone stuff, ha